I think my fart just growled at me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
