Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I want is dick and wine.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
