you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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