Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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