You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
