I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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