What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
