I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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