420 ftw
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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