i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
