My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
