can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
