Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
