my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
