Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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