The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
