Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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