All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
