i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
