my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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