if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
