I just made out with a guy for $7.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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