six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
