its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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