Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
