We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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