i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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