i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize