he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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