my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
