R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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