Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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