My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This house was built for laser tag.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
