Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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