Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
