When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
