She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
FUCK WHALES
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
