can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
