i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
