and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i now understand why vodka
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
