My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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