There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
