pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
