I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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