Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
