from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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