:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
