3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
