I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
high people should be assigned attendants
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize