So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
