Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
