I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
