would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
