Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
