Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
