he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I fill condoms, not promises.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
