When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
