i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
