i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
