someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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