Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
