I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
