The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize