Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
