Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
