I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
